its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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