Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It's Friday. Sex?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
