I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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