Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
