I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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