Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
