what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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