hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
