well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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