Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
