When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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