You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
