escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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