wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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