apparently the secret to your success is patron
Acid is not a monday night drug
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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