and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
