When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize