I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
