Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
