After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
