i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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