woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
