stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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