nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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