Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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