I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
