hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
