you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
