Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
