I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
