so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
