Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
