I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think my moral compass just broke
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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