I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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