I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize