My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
