Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we're making bets on your personal life
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
