I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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