just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize