its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
