remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
