Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
