if you like me you must not know who I am
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
