I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
