i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
