We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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