That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
