You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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