I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
