I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
