your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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