Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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