Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
