I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
