that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
