I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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