butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
