The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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