You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
