It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
