So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
