My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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