Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
