We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
