If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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