Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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