Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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