His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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