I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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